what i heart.

"i don't want to end up simply having visited this world"
-mary oliver, when death comes

ok, so i have been feeling for some time (and maybe knowing more recently) that i need to make some changes to this blog and get it focused. as i have admitted here, and my lovely karly reminded me this weekend - enough with the garden! it's true, but i have been so overwhelmed with what i need to do lately or with what i am avoiding to do (perhaps!) lately that it has been my safe-haven...a.k.a. - easy way out of: being creative, inspired, up late at night obsessive about discovering.

so, to break down a series of events, i was thinking about this today while i was driving (bad idea) and i need to work out some things with what i post about and when, i need to get creative and i need to be inspired...not by tomato plants (though, sometimes yes, that will happen still!) but by living. too many times lately i have simply written the short email saying "days keep passing by! summer is draining me! i promise to call soon!" i need to call people, write the obvious email, send the random card, walk around target and leave with something frivolous in my hand, go to a museum by myself and sketch...it's a must.

i think i had a tipping point tonight reading one of my favorite blogs and seeing her quote one of my favorite poets. so here is one of my favorite poems by mary oliver (who taught at bennington when i was there, and i have a very funny story about that, so remind me to tell it someday!). enjoy and please hang on as i take a few days to sort out what i heart, & what my heart needs here - i promise not to be gone too long, i'll brb;)

The Swan

Did you too see it, drifting, all night, on the black river?
Did you see it in the morning, rising into the silvery air -
An armful of white blossoms,
A perfect commotion of silk and linen as it leaned
into the bondage of its wings; a snowbank, a bank of lilies,
Biting the air with its black beak?
Did you hear it, fluting and whistling
A shrill dark music - like the rain pelting the trees - like a waterfall
Knifing down the black ledges?
And did you see it, finally, just under the clouds -
A white cross Streaming across the sky, its feet
Like black leaves, its wings Like the stretching light of the river?
And did you feel it, in your heart, how it pertained to everything?
And have you too finally figured out what beauty is for?
And have you changed your life?

- Mary Oliver

what do you feel in your heart? how does it change everything? what is beauty for? have you changed your life? discuss.

photo by kristy for thingsihearttoday]

the chills.

"life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. how do you know this is the experience you need? because this is the experience you are having at this moment." ~ eckhart tolle

it's snowy & slushy & cold in the east, i am currently seeking a groundhog to tell me something new about spring! so i mentioned the other day that i just got a job & i'm excited to share that i am working at a pre-school for developmentally challenged kids. it is fun, exciting & making me tired (even though the hours not not what i consider to be full time!). so that has been taking me away from hunting out the things i heart lately, but i SWEAR if you saw these kids you'd realize that all the fashion, fun & delicious recipes in the world are not more important. so while i build up my stamina to work, plus blog, plus clean my room & pay my bills, please be patient and i will be more productive on the weekends...i promise to try!

SO, in terms of the new job i was sharing the overall story of how it came about last night with one of my lovelies and she said - you have to tell people that, so i will because it's pretty amazing (to me). i wrote a day or so ago about the eckhart tolle book that I am reading, A New Earth. it's about great things like letting go of your ego and shutting down the mind chatter (both negative & just plain unnecessary) and while it is new age by genre, it's a whole new outlook for me. i won't get preachy, but if you are searching for directions, try this as a road map starter kit! so i was going through this extended, yucky gluten testing and was without job for 6 weeks. last thursday, i had my test and came home and decided to find a job & have NO expectations, no qualifiers, no exclusions based on location, embarrassment, etc.

i was ready (and so were my very patient parents...) i put it out into the world and planted it in my head...when i came home, my friend called - she had a job for me - only problem, it starts in the morning! i said ok - instead of saying, it's part-time, it's not my thing, i'm not qualified - i said ok, i'll try it, if it doesn't work i'll move on. i went on friday, and the owner asked me to come back monday, if i wanted i could come back all the next week and if possible i could just never leave - HA! job, check. friday while at my new found job, i got a message from another friend asking me to work an event over the weekend to the tune of $140, second job, check. things are shifting and as far i can tell the law of attraction is in play, it's everything i thought was a crock about the secret coming to fruition. believing in the new age, check.

i went to work monday and was put in charge of the just starting 6 week art immersion series...could you knock me over with a feather, yes. so good things are happening and i believe that it's because good things are going on in my thoughts and in my intentions. so i am reconnecting with art and creativity - first with this space which i am grateful to have and second in an unexpected place working with amazing little miracles who benefit me more than i can hope to help them. it's a little slice of therapy & patience, i am being forced to slow down and enjoy the view, i totally suggest tapping the brakes every now & then.

other suggestions include the gluten-free brownies i just made & ate - YUM!